I haven't told my son he has autism.
Not yet. Maybe not ever in those exact words.
What I have done is telling him stories about Pebble – a little pillbug who feels more than other insects. Who gets overwhelmed by loud sounds and bright lights. Who sometimes needs to curl up into a ball when the world feels like too much.
My son loves bugs. Especially pillbugs. He'll spend hours watching them roll up, protecting themselves. So when he was diagnosed with autism at age 5, I knew I couldn't just sit him down and explain it with clinical terms he wouldn't understand.
At five years old, "autism" is too abstract. It's a label without meaning – a word that doesn't help a child understand whythey feel the way they do.
I didn't want to point out symptoms or assign labels. I wanted to address his feelings and make them valid – so he wouldn’t feel ashamed and starting to mask or withdraw himself.
I needed to speak his language.
That's when I created Pebble the Pillbug.
A Story About Feeling Different
Pebble is a little insect who feels everything deeply. The sounds are too loud. The lights are too bright. And while other insects play happily together, Pebble sits alone wondering: Why am I so different?
One evening, he meets Moira the moth, who helps him see something important: his big feelings aren't a weakness – they're a strength.
Along the way, Pebble meets other friends who also feel different:
- Eric the earthworm, who moves slower than everyone else
- Sticky the spider, who's afraid of the dark
Together, they discover that everyone has their own challenges – and that being different doesn't mean being alone.
When my son heard Pebble say, "I feel so many things all the time, and I'm also quite shy. It's as if I don't fit in," he looked at me and whispered: "That's like me."
How to Explain Your Child's Diagnosis Without Using Labels: 5 Steps
1. Find a character or metaphor they relate to
My son loves pillbugs, so Pebble became his bridge to understanding himself. For your child, it might be dinosaurs, robots, superheroes, or any animal they connect with. The key is making it their character, not a generic teaching tool.
2. Use story instead of clinical language
Show, don't tell. Instead of explaining sensory processing issues, show Pebble getting overwhelmed by loud forest sounds. Instead of talking about social challenges, show Pebble sitting alone while others play. Kids understand through narrative, not diagnosis.
3. Focus on strengths, not deficits
Frame it as "you feel more" rather than "you're different" or "something's wrong." In the story, Moira tells Pebble: "Your big feelings are a strength! They let you experience the world in a way many other insects can't understand." This reframe is everything.
4. Normalize their experience
Introduce other characters with their own challenges. When Pebble meets Eric (who moves slowly) and Sticky (who's afraid of the dark), he realizes he's not alone. Everyone struggles with something. This removes shame and builds empathy.
5. Listen and follow their lead
Let your child process at their own pace. Some kids will ask questions immediately. Others will sit quietly and think. Some will want to hear the story again and again. There's no rush. The conversation can unfold over months or years.
The Power of Bedtime Stories for Emotional Processing
Bedtime is when kids often process the day's emotions. A calming story can:
- Help children feel seen and understood
- Normalize their experiences
- Teach emotional vocabulary in a safe context
- Create connection between parent and child
Research shows that stories help children understand abstract concepts like emotions and social situations – concepts that can be hard to grasp through direct explanation alone.
For neurodivergent children especially, stories provide a safe distance to explore feelings. They're not talking about themselves – they're talking about Pebble. But somehow, that makes it easier to understand.
Listen to the story here
I've made "Pebble and Moira's Guiding Light" available for free because I know how much parents of sensitive children need resources that actually get it.
Moira’s Guiding Light
The story is narrated slowly, with long pauses for processing – perfect for bedtime and for children who need extra time to absorb information.
… and continue with the calming theme
More stories for sensitive kids
This is just one of many stories in the Pebble Kids collection. Each story explores themes like:
- Managing big emotions
- Finding calm when overwhelmed
- Understanding that everyone has challenges
- Discovering your unique strengths
If your child struggles with anxiety, sensory sensitivities, or feeling different, these gentle stories can become part of your calming bedtime routine.
Frequently Asked Questions About Talking to Kids About Autism
Should I tell my child they have autism?
There's no right answer. Some parents use the word early, others wait until the child is older, and some – like me – choose to focus on feelings rather than labels. What matters most is helping your child understand themselves in a way that feels empowering, not limiting. Trust your instinct and your knowledge of your child.
At what age should I explain autism to my child?
When they start noticing they're different – usually between ages 4-7. For my son, that was around age 5. He'd ask why certain things bothered him that didn't bother other kids. That's when I knew he needed a way to understand himself, even if he wasn't ready for clinical language.
What if my child asks directly, "Do I have autism?"
Be honest in age-appropriate language. You might say: "Your brain works differently than some other kids, which means you feel and experience things in special ways. Some people call that autism, but what's most important is that you understand yourself." Then follow their lead – if they want to know more, keep talking. If they seem satisfied, let it rest.
After telling them, my child asks questions I cannot answer. What should I do?
See it as a bonding opportunity – but only if they seem genuinely interested. Some kids will want to dive deep, others will process quietly. If your child wants to know more, there are wonderful books written specifically for children about neurodiversity and autism. You don't need all the answers immediately. What matters is being present and open to the conversation as it unfolds.
What if I use the wrong words or explain it "wrong"?
You won't damage your child by being imperfect. What matters is that you're trying to help them understand themselves with love and acceptance. You can always revisit the conversation later, clarify, or approach it differently as they grow. It's an ongoing dialogue, not a one-time talk.